Hello all. Its been a busy time at the Chocolate Factory, thankyou to everyone who came along and saw us. Hilary has been an excellent assistant, and I think we all agree that his performance as Guy Fawkes would have been very good. I can only apologise for that business with the rabbit. Leslie is recovering from his burns and sends you all a wave from his hospital bed.

Greetings Lion fans.

There is much news. Firstly, Leslie's accident. I can only stress that it was an ACCIDENT, no matter what he says, and whilst the sight of him in flames was mildly diverting, we must thank the quick-witted theatre manager for putting him out. Leslie and I had a slight altercation in the ambulance over who was going to pay for the curtains, and as such he is taking a sabbatical as my regular pianist. I have therefore engaged the pianical services of a Mr Hilary Cox, who is a very clean man and doesn't keep Terry's Chocolate Oranges all to himself and shares them out, Leslie take note. He has also agreed to wash my jacket, and expects to have some good results in a few weeks time.

Hilary and myself will be performing at the Menier Chocolate Factory until the 11th of November, why not come along!

Ahoy! Leslie and I are busy packing props for our West End inaugural showcase theatreland performance tonight. I have polished my special shoes, the teddy bears have been groomed, and Leslie has banged the stains out of his performance trousers with a chair leg. All is ready!

Greetings all!

It is a relief to be back in the UK after our adventures down under. My bag was impounded at Heathrow after sniffer dogs accused it of containing drugs. The smell turned out to be my jacket, which was something of a relief. Leslie disgraced himself on the plane by drinking too much red wine and dribbling over the lady next to him, who was from Nantwich. However, we are returned and looking forward to our West End London Theatreland Summer Season in July. Leslie always like to visit Carnaby Street for some new shoes and I enjoy dining out.

Good day. Leslie and I are still very much down under. Once again, wires have been crossed and we are performing at 10pm rather than 10am so the audiences are rather free of under-fives. This may explain their bafflement. On a lighter note, Leslie won twenty dollars on a slot machine and I have found a laundry that might be able to get the salt out of my jacket.

Good morning all. Or perhaps good night if you are in England as I am writing this from Australia. After our sell out UK tour (apart from Cheltenham. And Manchester. And there were plenty of seats going in Norwich as well) Leslie and I have arrived in Melbourne. It was a tense flight as I had some trapped wind and Leslie had a reaction to a prawn sandwich from Heathrow. Apart from that, our first show went very well. Swiss Goose is enjoying the Australian weather and whilst Leslie and I are sharing a flat again, we get separate bedrooms, which is a blessed relief.

Greetings from Birmingham. What a delightful audience we had last night, apart from one woman who was the worse for wear and mentioned ovulation, which rather lowered the tone. Leslie was recommended a nightclub called Nightingales, but it was not what we expected. I am in quite some need of a laundrette.